Entangled thoughts

I normally blog when I find time sometimes and when I dont find time for myselfs sometimes,but this time for no reason,I desperately want to write it to share my aching hearts pain with some of you atleast,I always considered myself to be one of those "organised" guys around. Clear about life, goals and all those seemingly abstract terms one can encounter in self-help books. But then, life isn't so easy always.I am in a confusion as to how to put straight my sinking relationship which I once cherished the most.I dont know how to speak with such free affluence with kutty as I used to earlier,I dint knew refraining speech for two months leads to such acute misconstrual.She tried meeting me when I went to Hyd,called me on my bday,scraped and wrote me couple of times,but why did I not respond in a way, to continue to be as I was earlier? I still hung with my idiotic don't care idiosyncrasy.I should have responded in a more friendly and caring manner.now I fear if can get back those days where we cared a lot for each other,I wish Kutty reads this post !!!But I still believe,everything is exactly as it is for a reason. The crumb is on our table not only as a reminder of this morning's cookie, it is there because we have chosen not to remove it. No exceptions. Everything has a reason, and the tiniest detail is a clue.I guess there are only two ways to end this dichotomy. A few hours of perfect solitude - I am craving for which for a long time; or some quality time with a wonderful friend and thats why I have booked my ticket to Hyderabad for the comming weekend to meet my best friend Ramakanth,and find some time for myself.... lets see where it leads after this friendship day.